Wednesday, September 12, 2012

A murder story - part two

Below is the second sample of a creative fiction story I began writing last November for NANOWRIMO. After writing the initial 8,000 or so words last year for a story I have given two possible titles (either Death by Murder or The Suburban Murders), both of which are bad to poor titles. However, I personally think that the story, even though it sits unfinished, is beginning to develop. I can picture the two main characters -- co-workers who are also involved in a sexual relationship -- as they struggle with their own demons while investigating a string of violent murders which, initially, seem to have no connection until the killer begins to get rather brazen, almost taunting the team investigating the murders.

As I said, I have yet to finish this novel but I do have an outline of it and I am honestly seeking out your opinions on it.

Here goes, the second page is below for your reading pleasure... (read the first page of the story here)


Kline’s eyes widened, “Nice catch Grove, what’s the price on it?”

“Why does that matter?” Grove asked in a rather frustrated tone.

“I like to know the whole story dammit”, Kline shot back.

“Jesus, $17.98, you weird son of a bitch.”

“Fuck, good price too.”

Kline pondered the seemingly useless information for a moment as he stared out the home’s picture window overlooking the manicured landscaping and the exposed aggregate driveway.

“Come on Grove, let’s go check out this Wagner Hardware. See if they’ve sold any forks recently.”

As Lead Investigator Kline and Officer Grove made their way from the mundane neighborhood on the western reaches of Kennebrook to the city’s commercial district, Kline broke the tension in the truck “Why’d ya’ call me weird back there?”

“Come on, Danny, who really asks how much was paid for a murder weapon?”

As he moved his hand from the Dodge Durango’s gear shift to Officer Grove’s left thigh, he replied “You know how I like to have all the details Miranda.”

“Shit Danny, we’re at work, can you at least keep your hands to yourself until we’re off duty.”

“Fine, but I can’t help myself ‘cause I know what’s under that uniform. I remember what I saw this morning. You’re all business right now but I know just how fucking dirty you can be.”

Miranda quickly slugged Danny in the shoulder. Kline’s response was an innocent glance at his younger partner and the very fast removal of his hand from her thigh. “Try to focus, dumbass!” Miranda shot back playfully. “We’re trying to work here.”

“Shit, it’s not like we’re gonna break the case while we’re driving across town,” Danny said matter-of-factly.

“I know that but your pants look like there’s a fucking power pole in them and that Wagner Hardware store is just a couple blocks away. Try to get your mind back to work or people will start to think that violent murders get you off or something.”


Mrs Marcos said...

Now I need to know the significance of the price of the fork!

You're doing a great job of quickly laying the ground work of background information. We're aware now that their relationship is intimate and we're getting pieces of their personality. I could be way off but my first impression is that Kline is older than Grove and while he's a good investigater he's maybe somewhat jaded? While Grove is younger and has more of a "go-get-em" attitude (more professional and focused on the job because she's newer at this).

I'm ready for the next installment!

Mrs Marcos said...

er *investigator not investigater

asplenia said...

Ha! I didn't know at first that they were not even both men, that was an unexpected surprise, plus the passionate affair twist during an investigation. Definitely need a more compelling title though. Maybe get ideas from browsing others, might spur some inspiration?

asplenia said...

ps. I like your writing style and this is great work!