Thursday, September 13, 2012

A murder story - part three

Below is the third sample of a creative fiction story I began writing last November for NANOWRIMO. After writing the initial 8,000 or so words last year for a story I have given two possible titles (either Death by Murder or The Suburban Murders), both of which are awful titles (feel free to suggest titles in the comments as the story unfolds). However, I personally think that the story, even though it sits unfinished, is beginning to develop. I can picture the two main characters -- co-workers who are also involved in a sexual relationship -- as they struggle with their own demons while investigating a string of violent murders which, initially, seem to have no connection until the killer begins to get rather brazen, almost taunting the team investigating the murders.

As I said, I have yet to finish this novel but I do have an outline of it and I am honestly seeking out your opinions on it.

Here goes, the third page is below for your reading pleasure... (read the first page of the story here and the second page of it here)


“Alright, alright. Jesus, mashed potatoes, mashed potatoes, mashed potatoes, mashed potatoes, mashed pota-”

“What the fuck is that?”

“My dad always said the best way to get rid of a raging boner fast is to think of something plain and boring, like mashed po-”

“Like mashed potatoes. God, you’re brilliant you silly fucker.”

“Well, my dad is apparently brilliant because it worked, see?” Kline held Miranda’s wrist as he playfully rubbed her hand against the crotch of his pants.

“Whatever,” Miranda laughed, “we’re here so try not to act as crazy as you really are.”

Lead Investigator Kline and Officer Grove opened the black Durango’s doors and hopped out.

“Nice day out. Plus this shit gets us out of the station.” Kline made mundane small talk as the pair walked to the door of the hardware store. “Look at that.” Officer Kline pointed to his right.

“What?” Grove asked with a bit of a furrowed brow as she turned toward her partner in the bright midday sun.

“What? Just a killer deal on spring lawn fertilizer, that’s what. $8.98 per bag. Remind me to grab a couple bags before we leave.”


Grove pulled the front door open and a bell rang. A short, older lady cheerfully greeted the pair “Hi, can I help you with something?”

Kline jutted his head in “Yeah, where are your forks at?”

“Aisle three, all the garden tools are down that way,” the cheerful lady pointed to the left.

“Aren’t we here to ask questions about the fork?” Grove asked impatiently as she adjusted her bra straps.


Mrs Marcos said...

Nothing really to add, still interested in the story. Thought of an alternate title - "Death by Suburbia"

Sornie said...

Interesting thought for a title. Just like any book or TV show it can't be all action. As the story gets more involved there are bound to be a few lulls to it but tomorrow's installment has a bit more action to it I believe.

Mrs Marcos said...

I didn't mean "nothing to add" as criticism, just meant that I'm still reading and still interested in the story.