As I drove to work today, infuriated by stupid drivers whom I wished bad tidings upon, I contemplated the names of famous musicians who go by one name.

I immediately thought of Madonna, Bono, Prince and Kesha. I began noticing a trend. Their names all end in a vowel. Right then, my mind kicked in to high gear as I began trying to think of a musician whose single name would throw a wrench into this theory. I flipped through my presets and heard Rihanna. This was beginning to move from coincidence to trend.

I did some more research to see if this trend could be confirmed as some sort of rule created inside my head. I scoured music logs from a few pop music radio stations. I came across Flo-Rida, Beyonce, Nelly (hey, Ys are sometimes a vowel), Drake and Orianthi.

But then I noticed some other one-name artists who didn't fit the mold. There was Usher, Pink, Akon and Eminem. But even with those four who didn't fit my rule of one-name artists having to end their name with a vowel I have to call the vowel to end a single-name artist to be successful at least a trend. At best, Usher and Akon are flashes in teh pan in the past decade or even less time. Madonna, Bono, Prince and to a lesser extent Rihanna and Beyonce trump any one-name artist whose name ends in a consonant.

So there you have it, this is the kind of crap I think about when I'm left alone with my thoughts.

Posted in Labels: music, names 0 comments Posted by Sornie at Monday, January 31, 2011  

I've never been a fan of Taco Bell. To me the food was gimmicky and lacked flavor and substance. Yesterday, though, my near hatred of Taco Bell was vindicated when a lawsuit surfaced stating that their "beef" contained a mere 36% beef and was packaged as "Taco Meat Filler". Even more disturbing was the fact that, after watching a news story about the subject, a food item classified as being 100% beef only needs to contain a mere 40% beef.

The rest of the bulk is made of wheat and soy fillers, binders and extenders which I'm nearly certain contains far less nutritional value that even the fattiest ground beef would.

This report, WCCO's Good Question, did little more to calm me:


Yesterday, as I sat in the local Taco John's drive-thru waiting for what I assumed were superior tacos, I watched a fairly steady stream of cars roll through the Taco Bell drive-thru across the street. Either these people really love shitty food or had heard nothing about the food that's making them fatter (for a low price to boot) not really being food. Whatever the case, I went on with my day not really thinking about what I had eaten until later. Then I tweeted my thoughts and the two almost immediate responses were troubling. They, one of them being Jason DeRusha, both agreed that the Taco John's product was likely the same.

Later still I did some lazy sleuthing on TacoJohns.com and within their allergy information, all of the items containing ground beef had the categories of soy and wheat allergies checked. To me this signifies that the Taco John's beef also contains soy and wheat fillers along the lines of the Taco Bell "beef". A quick search of off-the-shelf Ortega taco seasoning mix reveals no soy or wheat ingredients in the flavoring which, to me, rules that out as a possibility.

So, at a dead end for now, I'll open the question to better sleuths with more time. What percentage of fillers and actual beef is contained in Taco John's taco meat? I'd be surprised if I'd ever receive a straight answer but given the not-so-shocking news about Taco Bell, I am interested in knowing that the supposedly better choice is, in fact, better.

Posted in Labels: food, health, restaurant 4 comments Posted by Sornie at Wednesday, January 26, 2011  

Former Navy Seal, conspiracy guy, TV show host, former governor, former mayor and former pro "wrestler" Jesse Ventura is all about getting his name in the news. This time he's gone ahead and filed a lawsuit against the TSA.

The lawsuit said the pat-down "exposed him to humiliation and degradation through unwanted touching, gripping and rubbing of the intimate areas of his body."

I'm with him in feeling that these tactics used by the TSA are overly invasive. What happened to "innocent until proven guilty"? If you have a legitimate reason as to why you're setting off the metal detector -- like a titanium hip replacement -- then you're in the clear.

Oh, sure, plenty of people think that Ventura is straight-up crazy due to some of his conspiracy-related beliefs but there are also plenty who feel that his sniffing around and the refusal of those in command to answer even the simplest of his questions is reason enough to believe in some of the very conspiracy theories his show attempts to expose but his objections over the TSA tactics have merit.

I have plenty of objections when it comes to flying given the current state of security at our airports. The tally of terrorists detained by TSA security measures still stands at zero and that number says alot. It says that the TSA is a failure of an agency -- an agency created out of fear. An agency which hires the unhirable and places them in charge of security for an agency created in some rather unscrupulous ways -- maybe even unconstitutional -- should have no place in America.

Maybe Jesse Ventura should bodyslam one of these glorified mall cops next time he's hassled and forced to endure a pat down if he ever goes back to flying commercially.

Posted in Labels: 9/11, conspiracy, Minnesota, TSA 0 comments Posted by Sornie at Tuesday, January 25, 2011  

It hit me last Tuesday. My stomach began churning like a million angry washing machines. I knew the feeling and vaguely remembered it from many years ago. On one hand I knew that the unsettledness would likely pass but on the other hand I wondered if this was the third occurance of a condition that had haunted me for the past decade.

By midnight, unable to sleep due to the roiling and churning in my gut, I knew that this was no ordinary, temporary stomach discomfort. This was the third coming of my curse.

It first happened almost eight years ago to the day. I know that time that it was a severe case of nerves that set off the extreme acid production which three days later hadn't eased up even a bit. Somehow, though, I got through that first bout without ever knowing what had happened or what the cause was.

Then a year later it all happened again. Except that particular time it wasn't correcting itself. I suffered through nearly a week of trying everything to throttle back the excessive acid production from the B.R.A.T. diet to living on Pepto-Bismol. Then I actually decided to do what most guys would never do, I went to see an actual doctor. I described my symptoms, he asked questions, more descriptions, more questions and after about 30 minutes (yes, 30 actual minutes with a qualified doctor) he suggested an off-the-shelf solution of Prilosec. Yep, I could just run across the street to Target, plop down fifteen bucks for a box of Prilosec and, combined with a bland diet to begin with, be back to my normal routine.

But that didn't fly this time around. I began taking Prilosec just as I realized that this was the real thing and it did nothing. The only course of action that seemed to work was to simply quit eating. So my last meal was Tuesday evening. A hamburger. A bland, boring hamburger. If I knew it was going to be my last meal I would have at least made it something delicious but a hamburger it was.

After two more days (Wednesday and Thursday) of intestinal and gastronomical distress I had some Cheerios Friday morning. Even in my severely weakened and dehydrated state I inflated a low tire for my old lady as she headed off to work Friday morning. I thought I was out of the woods.

But I wasn't. After I called in sick for a third day -- missing more work in a week than I usually miss in a year -- I knew that that day was THE day. I was going to triumph or die trying. I was going to kick my body's feeble ass and with more bland food (I now despise toast) and another dose of Prilosec I was feeling better. And due to work policies I eventually saw a doctor later that day. Even though his prognosis varied wildly from what I knew from dealing with these extreme acid flare-ups in the past, I felt better having talked things out and being reassured that I didn't bring this on myself.

Friday evening I ate actual food -- a roast beef sandwich from Arby's. It was delicious. I spent the bulk of that evening lightly napping and actually slept through the night until my daughter's internal alarm went off around 8 AM Saturday morning. I was beginning to feel better. I even went to to grocery store for some provisions and was feeling confident enough to buy and then eat a deli sandwich. It was the best food I had eaten in quite some time. It was amazing. It was like food straight from God himself.

Needless to say, while I'm still recovering to a certain extent, I feel far better now than I did on Tuesday evening. I know I haven't seen the last of these extreme stomach acid flare-ups (the doctor six years ago described my condition as my stomach's acid pumps get stuck in the on position and maybe even in high gear and proceed to wreak havoc on my entire body) but I can't let it keep me from living my normal life. So by the middle of the week -- barring any complications -- I'll be back to occasionally eating a smorgasboard of spicy Mexican food and washing it down with copious amounts of Coca-Cola. After all, somebody has to eat those 8 quarts of homemade salsa in my pantry.

Posted in Labels: food, health, illness, internal affairs 1 comments Posted by Sornie at Sunday, January 23, 2011  

Just when Hollywood was seemingly running out of ideas for movies, an idea that seemed to originate in the 1950s came back around and it felt like the perfect time to the movie executives to take a second look at a technology which was a joke, used only in cheesy monster flicks, from the black and white age.

I don't pretend to know shit about 3D movies but I do know that because of their so-called premium experience they also demand a premium price. That's why tickets run about $13.00 for the experience of seeing such quality films as "Grown Ups" and "Jackass 3" in "eye-popping, jaw-dropping 3D!"

It's bullshit. The only films that benefit from being in 3D are scary horror flicks. There's nothing like the added dimension of someone jumping out from behind a bush wielding a machete and slashing someone's throat, spraying blood everywhere being experienced in 3D. That's the only genre that benefits and thusly justifies its added cost.

But in a world where profits ae all that matter, it's only a matter of time before every "Step Up 3D" and "Gulliver's Travels" movie is needlessly shot in 3D. It's a great scam that, even in the leanest times in my generation, people are buying into.

So keep those movie studios running and don't forget to buy a couple tickets to the next Tyler Perry movie... in ass-blasting 3D!

Posted in Labels: money, movies 3 comments Posted by Sornie at Monday, January 17, 2011  

Posted in Labels: lingerie, news, pubic hair 2 comments Posted by Sornie at Tuesday, January 11, 2011  

Last night saw the series premiere of yet another animated comedy on FOX. When I first heard of this series nearly a year ago my first thought was "Oh, great. Another animated comedy. What mundane "Family Guy" character are they spinning off now?" But as I learned more about "Bob's Burgers" I warmed to the concept.

Think of it as a workplace comedy centered around a family. Right there the show's creators managed to meld two of the most tried and true sitcom concepts together into one genre which I don't recall having been done before. Right there they had an original concept.

From the first scene I was laughing. The series is one of the most politically incorrect shows in recent memory but it crosses the line without being deranged like "Family Guy" does. With a daughter which a sibling identified as "the worst kind of autistic" to jokes about the restaurant's burgers containing more than the allowable 4% ratio of human flesh and that was what the first episode centered around the pilot episode could easily be described as raucous -- right down to the opening joke about the autistic daughter openly stating that she had an itchy crotch.

Couple that with well thought out sight gags including a bus load of tourists hell-bent on obtaining one of these supposedly human flesh burgers at any cost and a customer who bought "The Molester" -- a burger that comes with candy -- who truly did fit the image of a child molester and "Bob's Burgers" was a twenty minute string of laughs which were well written and far from cheap and expected.

"Bob's Burgers" has a great start and fits well following "The Simpsons" which itself seems to have stepped up its game after twenty or so seasons. If the writers can keep the momentum up and FOX doesn't fuck the show up by shuffling its time period, this is yet another animated winner well worth watching at 7:30 PM on Sunday on FOX.

Posted in Labels: comedy, FOX, TV 1 comments Posted by Sornie at Monday, January 10, 2011  

Every year it seems like the unexpected happens -- it's what keeps us on our toes. And with our nation fucking obsessed with the happenings of celebrities, let's think about what will happen with the douchebags we obsess over along with a few non-celebrity predictions.

Celebrity deaths:
I can see Dick Clark kicking the bucket. Hearing audio of his appearance on Dick Clark's New Year's Rocking Eve with Ryan Seacrest (get a longer title, please) was just sad. After suffering a stroke a few years ago, I think that his time to leave this world has come and 2011 will be when that happens.

Someone, too, from the cast of MTV's Jersey Shore will also kick the bucket. Snooki would be too obvious of a choice and not being familiar (thankfully) with the show I'm leaving this one open but one of those spray-tanned guidos will end up not being around in 2012.

Celebrity scandals:
Something big will happen with Miley Cyrus. A Miley Cyrus sex tape. Miley Cyrus filmed snorting cocaine. Miley Cyrus killing a panda in a drunken rage... Whatever the case, Miley's going to have a big year now that she's 18 and doing more stupid shit than I did when I was 21.

Celebrity divorce:
The most obvious candidate is the divorce of Katy Perry and Russell Brand. Russell Brand is as phony as they come. He's grating, annoying and the most likely candidate I can think of to cheat on his new wife. It's logical being that they both travel for music and movies respectively and he has a history of substance abuse which can lead to some pretty spectacularly poor decisions. Mark my words: Russel Brand and Katy Perry call their marriage quits in 2011.

Music:
Justin Bieber will be revealed as being 14 years old. Who does he think he's fooling? No 16 year old, regardless of his nationality (Canadian) looks that young.

In other music prognostications, Lil' Wayne will return to jail. It will probably be for a number of things including drunk driving, weapons possession, drug possession and having too damn many tattoos. Ke$ha (or Kesha if you're nasty) will finally have a sex tape leak. Two surprises will stem from this: the first being that she looks like shit without a ton of make-up and the second is that she has a third nipple.

Sports:
If the 2011 NFL season is actually played (there is that potential lockout looming) the Minnesota Vikings -- playing at a hastily revamped TCF Bank Stadium -- will finish with a record of 3-13. It won't matter because the taxpayers of Minnesota will be bamboozled into funding a new stadium and the season will be written off as a rebuilding year.

Politics:
Sarah Palin will officially announce her intention to run for president in 2012. This will also mark the official debut of the Tea Party as their own political party. The scary thing is that she will take herself seriously. Even scarier is that she'll land a larger share of the votes in 2012 than the Republican candidate -- Jeb Bush.

Posted in Labels: 2011, celebrities, politics, sports, TV 1 comments Posted by Sornie at Monday, January 03, 2011  

December 13 – Action When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step? (Author: Scott Belsky)

I wholeheartedly plan to make 2011 a year of action. Triumph over adversity, tackle change, blah, blah, blah. It's easy to talk action but implementing it is a whole different monster.

My biggest goal is to finally launch a website -- personal or for my employer -- whose backbone is Drupal. I've been working internally on two different implementations since August and while the results are far from polished, the sites are functional. But being that I'm aware of how harsh the online world can be when presented with something that isn't completely polished and how fickle people can be when they encounter even one minor annoyance, nothing is going live quite yet.

If you've followed things here for long, you know that I'm a graphic designer and you're probably wondering why I'm working on developing a website or two. Well, I'm doing it because I kinda like having a job and I like having far more skills than needed for my job. I don't see my work in the print advertising world vanishing anytime soon but it has diminished in the past few years. Thankfully, I've been able to step up my game and kick out the jams online with some pretty cool stuff that pushed the envelope of what my superiors expected. I also stepped up in 2010 as a teacher of sorts for my co-workers. It felt good to show them the skills they need to hang with me and continue to be employed. Whether or not they choose to build on those skills remains to be seen. I feel that with at least a couple of them I was straight up wasting my time. I hate feeling like that but some people, regardless of what they say, have no desire to learn.

So in 2011 I wholeheartedly plan to get back to showing these folks more of what they need to remain employed. I like passing on that knowledge and I'll definitely be taking action on that particular love of mine in 2011.

Posted in 0 comments Posted by Sornie at Sunday, January 02, 2011