Monday, October 19, 2009

Food I've never eaten

I'm something of an anomaly. I'll eat copious amounts of most anything you put in front of me but the things I've never eaten would make most people wonder if I'm acutally human (I am).

I've never eaten a McDonald's Big Mac sandwich. For one, I don't really trust much outside of the breakfast items - especially after a friend of mine from high school freaked out in the passenger seat of my car because he insisted that his Chicken McNugget contained a cyst and he had just bitten in to it. Even if his freak out was crazy, that sort of sealed the deal. Plus, I don't trust their slimy beef - I'm sure it has either soy or shredded newspapers in it as fillers. And the special sauce, I don't care what it is - good beef (which this clearly isn't) doesn't need to be covered in some mystery sauce to make it palatable.

A staple of kids all over America - which may explain the obesity problem - is macaroni and cheese. It's also something I've never once eaten. I don't trust cheese - powdered or melted - from a pouch. It goes against nature and that may be another reason why kids are little fatties. I don't care what my old lady says, even if her mac & cheese is the best thing this side of sex, I'm having nothing to do with it.

Mayonnaise. It just seems so unnatural to me. Really, who thought to themselves one day "Hey, I'm gonna combine oil and eggs and spread it on my sammich"? That's just fucked up when you break it down like that. Those are two items that, separately, have no business being near a sandwich but people, for whatever reason, think it's perfectly fine to slather them on their white bread and bologna sammich and gobble the crap right up. Again, I'm steering clear of it.

There are plenty more foods I've never eaten that are totally normal to most Americans but for the sake of time I'm ending it here for now. Am I strange for never eating these staples of Americana? Am I alone in omitting rather common foods from my diet?

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Whiskeymarie said...

I don't like mayo unless it's homemade, so I'm with you on that one. I've also never had a Big Mac, though I have had a quarter pounder or two in my lifetime.

But no mac & cheez? I'd rather shoot my dog than never have mac & cheez again, and I love my dog.

I've never had White Castle- is that weird?

Sornie said...

Never eating White Castle just means that you don't enjoy crapping your pants while you eat. Yes, that's my take on Whitey's.

Jacki said...

Oh man, I LOVE my homemade mac and cheese. Let me think...I refuse to eat anything from Dairy Queen, and I will not eat an oyster.

Mrs Marcos said...

Wow, the White Castle remark just made me laugh out loud. Nicely done.

I'm with you on 2 out of 3. I don't do "sauces" so the Big Mac with its special sauce has never lured me in. And, I agree, Mayo is a tool of the devil used to ruin tasty food and is completely disgusting.

But macaroni and cheese? Are you an alien?! How can you not love the deliciousness that is mac and cheese?! mmmmmm so delicious!

I'm not a huge fan of exotic foods like sushi or anything not immediately identifiable so that narrows my food choices significantly...though I can't think of anything specific right now.