Monday, August 24, 2009

Vampires alive and well in my house

It involved a garbage bag, a dust pan, two fly swatters, a pair of pliers, an ice scraper and a can of hornet spray. No, it wasn't some sort of new auto-erotic asphyxiation sex game where the last one standing wins. This all took place in the home office/studio last night. Again, it wasn't a kinky sex game.

As I downloaded photos in silence I heard scratching against metal. I immediately knew it was coming from somewhere near the vent adjacent to the desk. Normally I wouldn't have heard anything because I'd have iTunes open but the old Mac was running slow as it choked on the addition of 600+ wedding photos from Saturday. The scratching on metal after 10 PM weirded me out. I assumed it was a mouse and prepared to grab the fat cat remove the vent, close the door and let the cat have a free meaty meal. But I decided to get a second opinion for the scratching diagnosis.

My old lady came in and instructed me to shine one of the funky lights towards the vent and her prognosis was - wait for it - a bat. I pondered just what the hell to do and came to the conclusion that if I could get the vent apart we could cover it with a garbage bag and easily trap the miniature vampire and go to be in five minutes. But 10 minutes later I had gathered a dust pan (the weapon that brought down the last bat about three years ago), two fly swatters, pliers to remove the vent and a garbage bag.

Fast forward another five minutes and after poking and prodding at the bat who clung to the side of the duct we had made absolutely no progress. My next brilliant idea was to gas it out. I automatically thought of the flying insect spray I had bought in bulk (why buy one can when they come three to a package?!?) and returned with a full can of hornet spray. But before I resorted to that, I turned the A/C on hoping to freeze mini-dracula out. Fail again. Now with the corner of the garbage bag slightly opened and the stink of my own failure rapidly filling the room, I shot a few long jets of hornet killer into the open vent. Then we waited. Hoping to hear a small thump on the metal below, we instead heard little claws on metal.

The little bastard bat had retreated back where it came from. The good news is that we didn't again break the dust pan as we did during the last bat battle. The bad news is that there is still a bat living in our home's ventilation system. Somewhere in the snaking maze of ductwork, a bat, for now, lives and we wait in fear of a bat swooping through the house, biting us and turning us in to vampires.

In other news, Minnesota had an awesome weekend and the photos tell the stories. Check out MinnPics now and frequently all day long.


Mrs Marcos said...

OMG! All you've done so far is infuriate the bat! You'll pay for that!


Stephanie Faris said...

OMG, I think I'd be hiring someone. Does pest control take care of bats?

VE said...

I suggest piping some Jonah Brothers music through the duct work...that should do it...

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spleeness said...

Don't worry, they only bite when you're fast asleep!