Friday, June 05, 2009

Things my imaginary intern can do for me

If only I had an intern. I would treat him or her exactly how I am treated. The following exchange features my simple request first with my reactions following.

Get my coffee.
Too much sugar. Not enough sugar. I HATE creamer. I hate COFFEE. Then I throw the hot coffee at the intern.

Pick up my dry cleaning.
I left TWO suits there. This one isn't mine. I don't even OWN a dress! I was screwing with you, I don't OWN a suit. Intern, you're a THIEF! Then I'd light the dress on fire and throw it at the intern.

Go get my lunch.
Mayo. You incompetent idiot! I am ALLERGIC to mayo. Are you trying to KILL ME?!? Then I'd throw the sandwich, open-face, at the intern.

Wash my car.
You SCRATCHED it. And I said NO hot wax. And only PINE TREE air fresheners. I roll old school. Ahhhhhhhh! Then I'd back my car over the intern.

Tell me how great I am.
More over the top. Are you STUPID? Make it believable. NEVER mention my shoes!!! Then I'd smile at the intern, I DO have a soul after all. But this would only make the intern run away, possibly while crying.

All this, and more I didn't mention, stemming from a mere 10-second conversation about business cards for an intern and how pointless such a move would be. And in case you didn't notice, I would treat my imaginary intern like crap - a lot like being in the real working world.

MinnPics is always new and has something kick-ass planned for the first full week of July for the first birthday.

1 comment:

spleeness said...

1. Quit your job.

2. Make a movie about it: "The Devil Wears [x brand boxers or whatever]"

3. You will be rich and can afford to hire interns up the wazoo! And of course, in your new rich life, you will be content and I am sure will treat the interns with the utmost of care.