Friday, January 02, 2009

My New Year's resolutions

I could probably rattle off a few hundred resolutions I should make to better myself int he new year but I think I'll stick to the top three. Truly, three things have been causing plenty of strife in my life so why not nip those three and call it good?

Stop eating boogers
This clearly doesn't say that I'm going to be making any sort of effort to curtain my nose picking habit. Hell, I like showing off in traffic just how many knuckles I can lodge up my nostril. It does, though, mean that I'm planning to put an end to my eating of those boogers. Maybe I'll invest in one of those fancy jars labeled "Boogers" and put that sucker to some good use.

Stop wearing women's underwear to work
Again, this one is specific enough so I can still sport some lacy panties when I'm hanging around Casa De Sornie on a lazy Saturday afternoon. I do fully intend to retire my favorite thong because bending over and having others notice my personal underwear preference is starting to make me uncomfortable. Almost as if people are talking about what they've seen.

Be kinder to America's exotic dancers
No longer will I sit at the tip rail and throw out pennies. Sure, it has much more relevance in today's economy but a stripper, um, exotic dancer just looks odd with her g-string full of coins. In fact, it's quite the turn off. I apologize, strippers of America, for making it look like you are packing a fat bratwurst down below.

Now that I've 'fessed up to my oh-so-honest New Year's resolutions, it's time to share yours.

Make it one of your New Year's resolutions to check out MinnPics and bask in the glory of these fabulous photos each and every day.

2 comments:

VE said...

Mines the same old one...Live forever. So far, so good!

Happy 2009!

James said...

"Be kinder to America's exotic dancers"

Ha! I had the opportunity to see some exotic dancers the other week with my brother and cousin. My cousin flat out pissed off this stripper. She ended up in my lap, cussing him out. "Fuck you, you fat fuck. I'm gonna fuck you up. We a family here. You ain't gonna see no pussy tonight."

His offense? He got up and stuffed his cash in his pocket as she approached.

"At least give me a dollar," she said, "that's just rude."

No...it was funny.