Wednesday, April 16, 2008

You know you want to be a polygamist

Why is it that all the crazies in Minnesota get ignored and why is it that Texas always gets to shine in the national spotlight?

I'm referring to the recent kerfuffle inthe news about that polygamist sect in Eldorado, Texas. Yeah, Texas. First they shine with the whole Branch Davidians thing in Waco and now a polygamist sect where sixteen year old girls may or may not have been forced into marriage with likely creepy looking middle-aged men. Something tells me this couldn't be further from HBO's "Big Love".

But why is it always Texas? (And maybe the key is a city name ending in 'O') You'd think with some die-hard Mormons populating the state that eventually Utah (coincidentally the setting of "Big Love") would land in the headlines for some polygamist crazies marrying both sixteen year old girls and fornicating with dachshaunds. Definitely uncomfortable for the dachshaunds.

I've begun to wonder if Minnesota is just too normal to be the home of a polygamist sect.

I also wondered what is involved with forming your very own polygamist sect.

Seriously. Think about it. A gaggle of young but plain wives ready to give it up for their husband at a moment's notice. Practically a license to repopulate your crazy corner of the world. Ruling your community with an iron fist if anyone (man or woman) gets out of line and tries to return to "civilization" because, dammit, this was their choice and only the weak quit polygamy. It's a lifelong commitment and it took a helluva long tim to wire the premieter of the grounds with landmines. And landmines are damn expensive. Even from shady, underground military surplus stores that cater to militants, crazies, cult leaders and protective polygamists.

My challenge to you is this: if you live outside of Texas (you had your moment), think about how you'd run your polygamist sect. What would life be like? No hippie commune crap here. Polygamists have an agenda -- I think. After all, how hard can it be to find members to live the polygamist lifestyle? Scientology draws plenty of members and attention, are the two really that different?


Michelle Ann said...

Well, we can think of it this way...extra wives, less chores for each woman and at least you know who he is sleeping with and when; information rarely available in the traditional marriage. And when available will find some husband underneath the tires of the family Mercedes (which occurred in Texas by the way)

The downside...20 children to a "family". That's just too big a number. :)

Ginormous Boobs said...

All my wives would have to be sugar mommas because, hey, 100 kids and all that fancy Mormon underwear doesn't pay for itself.