Monday, March 24, 2008

And that's how you embarass yourself

Sometimes I'm just not a very graceful guy. Sure, right now you're thinking that guys are rarely graceful. Guys, in your definition, are muscly, ripply things that can fix cars, crush spiders and open jars of pickles. Well, you are right but inside every guy is some grace. I can dance without looking totally awkward and I have been known to trip and make it look intentional. But as luck would have it, things took a turn on Saturday.

It wasn't just any turn, it was a turn for the worse. It was just another totally lame suburban Saturday as we started the grocery buying expedition at Aldi Foods. Being hell-bent on low prices, I probably pissed away any savings by going to four separate grocery stores but I was brimming with pride after I paid for the first bunch of groceries.

Twelve bucks for groceries is a good deal these days. Think about it, when was the last time you bought an overflowing bag of groceries (paper bag) that only set you back twelve bucks without it being twelve loaves of bread?

Well, being proud and a gentleman, I carried the bulging sack of groceries out to the waiting car. This would later haunt me.

As I exited the automatic door, I took an immediate turn to the right. That's when I stopped... suddenly.

I felt a blunt but deep pain in the thigh and ankle of my right leg. I held the bag of groceries firmly in my arms which is basically the cause of this entire series of events. I heard metal chiming as I shifted the bag of groceries to my left.

This is when I looked down to notice that between the entrance and exit doors was on of those fancy, chromed-out door dividers that has the large rubber/plastic bumpers on the outside end.

That's right, I had managed to walk full-speed into the chromed-out metal door divider because the twelve buck bag (lacking a handle) of groceries obstructed my view of all things below my neck.

Of course, with me being me, I didn't just walk this off. My instinct was to wince in pain because, well, I was in pain. The only words out of my wide-open mouth were "there was a damn bar there". This got my wife's attention as she turned back from her position of waiting beside the car to see what I was blowing way out of proportion.

Needless to say, today my ankle looks like I was in a fistfight with a midget. I had never seen anyone get a black ankle but I have managed to do just that. It happened and it seemed that half of the residents of the Minneapolis area, specifically Savage, were there to see it. Ask around, I am sure you know a person who knows a person who knows somebody who saw "that dumbass" walk into the door divider outside Aldi Foods on Saturday. I am pretty sure I was the only one.


Bill Roehl said...

If you're looking to save money, you might want to check out Grocery Guide. GG is a great site for comparing the sales for the current week w/o even leaving the comfort of your home. I rarely shop at Aldi unless they have some really cheap produce or a metric shit ton of cheap ingredients for chili but for when Rainbow has absolutely no sales worthwhile (which recently hasn't been the case) I will make the trip to Rosemount to shop at their Cub and Aldi.

Good luck w/the ankle. Perhaps you should have picked up some frozen peas while you were at it?

H said...

I think a photo story with injury shots is in order.

I always hated shopping at Aldi because the checkout lines are always ridiculously long. Of course, I hate going to the grocery store in general, hence the reason why Simon now delivers to me.

cathouse teri said...

Clumsy is okay. At least you're not stupid! ;)

Brooke said...

Oh my! This reminded me of the time I fell in a pothole crossing the street and a whole crowd of people saw and thought I had been run over...not my finest moment.

I too am a lover of Aldi! They of a very fine $6.00 spiral ham!

VE said...

I saw it go down on embarassing ;)

No said...

What the hell is Aldi? My God, I've been away too long.

Sorry about da ankle...yah, everyon in Minnesota knows about it...and some, don't ya know, in South betcha...

Jeff said...

Is that the place where you have to rent your grocery cart? My wife shops there every now and then, but thankfully I've only had to join her once.

Sornie said...

Thanks for the tip Bill. You are right Jeff about the cart rental but we skipped that luxury. Six dollar ham is a winner no matter what the circumstances. I didn't have to even wait in line to embarrass myself and I wouldn't rule out stupid yet. Look at the latest post.

Balou said...

That was you? ;)

Aldi food scares me. I keep thinking if it's that cheap, it must be from China and chock full of lead.

spleeness said...

Oh my god. I am lmao! My favorite: "today my ankle looks like I was in a fistfight with a midget. I had never seen anyone get a black ankle but I have managed to do just that."


I just found your blog today when I was looking up April Fool's jokes (for ideas for tomorrow) and saw yours from 2006, was hilarious. Popped over to your main page and wow, you are a riot!