Sunday, December 09, 2007

The Christmas letter

Merry Christmas everyone! We have enjoyed a bountiful year here in Minnesota. The year began on January first as I suffered through a terrible hangover from the festivities of the previous night. That is fast becoming a tradition and one that I plan on repeating each and every year.

In all seriousness though, the winter was cold. That is typical in Minnesota. The first weekend in February brought even colder temperatures as we had our annual winter party. It's nothing fancy, just a bunch of overly boisterous and weird people that I call friends eating food and drinking booze while we play cards and chat about normal happening such as how long we each spend in the bathroom while at work. You know, typical adult conversations.

Our cats had a fantastic year as well. Those piles of fur with four legs and annoying meows still aren't bald but should be based on the large tufts of fur that float above the heat vents while the furnace runs. They are also in good health based on the exorbitant price (the feller we found on craigslist charged $10 and 2 hours of private conversation about the habits of the cats in his private office or as it truly is, the back of his 1974 Dodge conversion van) of their last checkup where they fought after being placed back in the same pet carrier they arrived in with no incident.

As for our own health, we are doing alright. We haven't had any broken bones lately despite our best efforts and the process of crab walking along the roof as I cleaned out the gutters -- although the car on blocks parked below probably would have cushioned my fall. We all make bad decisions, I just make more than most.

On the employment front, we are both still gainfully employed. I spend my weekdays rummaging through dumpsters for items to resell at monthly garage sales and the wife spends her days labeling vials of bull semen at a local farm. It's not glamorous work but it keeps us in good spirits and we can even afford to buy up some of the neighbor's bathtub moonshine for special occasions or as others would call it, Tuesday afternoon.

Christmas is the reason for writing this letter though. With the house (airstream trailer) decked to the nines, we are a sight to see during the Christmas season. After all, I did happen upon a somewhat cracked nativity scene. Sure, lil' baby Jesus' face is covered with electrical tape and Joseph's forehead has a banana peel permanently stuck to it but we are celebrating the season in style.

Merry Christmas and may 2008 bring you great tidings and a fine NASCAR season! Yee-haw!

5 comments:

buffalodickdy said...

I actually have (somewhere!) a cassette of "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"! I played it once, a long time ago. Once was enough...
Heard there's big money to be made in bull semen...

Hammer said...

Sounds just like a letter from my cousins last year except for the spelling..

The Future Was Yesterday said...

"Merry Christmas and may 2008 bring you great tidings and a fine NASCAR season! Yee-haw!
LOL! Good letter! The Daytona bore hundred is only weeks away!...(

Redneck Randy said...

I know y'all werent raggin on nascar. Iffen you were me and my cuzins are gonna hafta whoop up on yer ass.

Sornie said...

Sounds like your cousins and mine need to hang out. Maybe at a dirt-track stock car race.