Monday, September 17, 2007

Apples, Coke and Pumpkins

My, what an adventurous weekend it was. Friday began with us gathering our pumpkin crop in lieu of the impending threat of frost which, upon investigating yesterday, seems that it was light and spotty. At least the pumpkins are safe so they can weather their time away inside the porch, safe from the neighborhood thugs who think it's the coolest thing ever to kick in the pumpkins that adorn the front steps. To avoid those damn skateboarding thugs listening to their loud hippity-hop music whilst they wear baggy jeans, the pumpkins make but a one night appearance on, you guessed it, All Hallow's Eve.

Saturday, though, was an entirely different affair. It was off to visit the family outside merry old SPAMTown USA. This trip will be a memorable one because I got to be the passenger. I nodded off for a few minutes and realized that as it neared 11 AM I should wake up. That's when I realized that I needed caffeine. It's official, I am painfully addicted to caffeine and got my official fix for a mere $1.09 charge for 44 ounces at a roadside Casey's General Store (screw you gas station in Blooming Prairie and your Pepsi-only fountain pop selection). I love the place because they have Coke products in their fountain selection which, up here in the northland, is a rare find. I love the acidic feel, the fact that it burns going down and that it doesn't taste overly caramel-like and sludgy.

God bless the powers that be at the worldwide corporate headquarters of Casey's General Stores. I can see them cackling and cavorting in their evil and dark world headquarters, plotting and scheming ways to crush the overlords of PepsiCo and simply placing nothing but Coke products in their fountain soda machines as a non-verbal fuck-off to PepsiCo for focusing their efforts on tacos and pizza and chicken. Screw diversity, Coke is so damn good that they can focus solely on soda of varying flavors and let other wither in the wind as they desperately try to diversify their holdings, still unable to outsell Coke and their single-minded businesss holdings.

After downing my vat of Coke, I threw out vague directions of my patented shortcut route to my parents' estate. Throwing out distances saying that the exit we needed was either three or ten miles ahead. Telling the wife to turn 'that way' in about 100 feet only for her to later learn that the road in question laid five miles ahead. It was a lesson in my vague directions that hopefully taught my wife that she should pay attention instead of relying on me because I am not known for giving definitive answers or for being accurate.

An accuracy, though, was that my parents were desperately trying to pawn off ten-plus grocery bags of apples from their mini-orchard on anyone who looked at them wrong. I'm all about getting something for nothing but I know better than to take something for free that ends in long hours of work. We have no immediate need for even two bags of apples as my mom suggested us taking home but the one I picked from high up the tree sufficed.

After witnessing my parents in action, I am becoming more and more clears as to why I am the way I am.


In other news, Arby's has officially made The List.

1 comment:

Jules said...

*big manly chest bump*

I love that you feel that way about Coke. I do too!!