Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Target shutters customer psych survey, listens to my thoughts instead

I think that it's just downright creepy that anyone, particularly a retailer, would be ballsy enough to ask questions of customers along the vein of "If you were to die tomorrow, would you be missed?" Not enough, here's some more questions in their quest to compete with an upscaling Wal-Mart...

"My partner is likely to reject me at some point unless I am better (smarter, better looking, etc.) than any other potential mate."

"Sometimes when I am reading poetry or looking at a work of art, I feel a chill or a wave of excitement."

"I'm not known for my generosity."

"It makes me crazy when the plane isn't moving and the pilot doesn't announce why."

"Poetry has little or no effect on me."

Dear God, isn't it enough that every time I swipe my card, the little overlords dressed in red polo shirt and khaki pants know what other stuff I have purchased previously and hook me up with coupons which may or may not spur additional purchases? Apparently not, they wanted to know as of Saturday what makes the brain of a Target customer tick. Well, I have a whole plethora of things that make me tick that Target should be interested in.

I shop at Target because you are less evil than Wal-Mart. You employee actual honest-to-God english speaking employees. They do (maybe they are forced) greet me at the checkouts and at least sound sincere as they thank me. The same cannot be said for the mutes running the three open and staffed checkouts out of the 36 at the local Wal-Mart. Target will call workers away from their stocking jobs briefly to expedite the lines at the checkouts. Target doesn't fling pallets of crap I don't want to buy in the main traffic aisles of the stores.

Those reasons are just the beginning of why I shop at Target. It doesn't matter what type of car I drive and it doesn't matter what sort of music I listen to. I am better than that. I am better because I love scanning the clearance endcaps at Target. I can get deals on stuff I actually need. I have NEVER seen anything beyond broken toys in mangled packages on clearance at the local Wal-Mart which is where I buy three things: 1.) Motor Oil; B.) Oil Filters; III.) um, uh, I don't actually buy anything else there.

So, Target, there you have it. I am a nut job. I shop your stores. I pull up with my music cranked to 11 in my increasingly rusty hoopty and stumble out of my car wearing my $9 gas station sunglasses sporting jeans I bought from The Bullseye for $12 on clearance. I have bought four CDs and one book this year (all from The Bullseye), I don't particularly like poetry and I know that I am no better than anyone else. Except THAT guy. And HER. And maybe THEM.


Jay said...

That's interesting, isn't it?
Maybe they could compete by coming to Canada already...I've never seen one of those babies in person.

Hammer said...

I got that questionaire and thought it was spam.

I guess it was.

Sornie said...

I'm surprised that they AREN'T in Canada. I thought they were focused on world domination. As for the survey being spam, I rarely, if ever, read an e-mail if I don't personally know the person it came from.