Friday, June 29, 2007

Stay safe during this Independence Day

Hell yeah. It's officially the 4th of July weekend or for you sticklers, "Independence Day" weekend. Sure, July 4th this year falls dead center on the middle of the week but just like that week between Christmas day and New Year's day, the business community at least slows down and some of you lucky bastards even get the entire week off. With that in mind, keep safety at the forefront of everything you do.

For instance, if you are traveling you may be inclined to take the family pet along. Common sense says to keep Sparky in the car with the rest of your family but sometimes space just doesn't allow for that. I, however, would suggest dropping Sparky off at a posh and tony kennel rather than strapping his carrier to the top of the car for a hundreds of miles long trip such as presidential candidate Mitt Romney did. That experience told the Mormon republican that dogs do sometimes get the shit scared out of them.

Let's not forget that it is summer. I know that's stupid to say when the sweat is rolling down your brow and directly into your eyes while you try to stake the family tent at some crowded campground because you singed your eyebrows off as you tried to light the family's gas grill but the payoff to this camping trip may well be a late night escapade under the moonlight with your sweetie (if you know what I mean). Sure, you might not be ultra-confident about your unit's girth but try to avoid (at all costs) a Cambodian Do-It-Yourself Penis Enlargement. Just because the hair growth serum says thicker and fuller, it doesn't mean you should suck it up in a syringe and shoot it blindly into Captain Schlongo. If you aren't a fan of death, this is one thing best skipped by avid do-it-yourselfers.

Lastly, and in all seriousness, be careful with the fireworks. Don't let dumbass buddies wander around smoking when you have a few hundred bucks worth of small mortar-type shells sitting loosely in a pile. See what happens when Senor Retardo flicks his cigarette directly into said pile?

And yes, this is an actual picture of the event. Trust me, it was NOT cool but at least there was no crater left behind. Only a singed cellphone and a couple of mildly scorched camping chairs.

7 comments:

H said...

Thank you for covering the topic of Independence Day safety. I would like to add to that to not light fireworks off too close to flammable objects. My cousins shot fireworks off the dock one year and burned a big hole in the boat lift tarp.

betmo said...

good lord! people seem to jump at the chance to be stupid. wow.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Every year on the 4th, I drop my pants and fire a rocket.

Beth said...

my daughter's boyfriend shoots off fireworks every 4th....thousands of dollars worth. Now, they have 2 kids and live with his mother....they can't afford a place of their own but can buy fireworks....makes no sense to me whatsoever.....

Sornie said...

This is the first year in quite a few that I didn't actually buy any fireworks. My good buddy softball player guy made up by buying almost $500 worth so we are covered.

Slick said...

Ah, but stupid people provide us with good laughs. :)

I'm not big into the whole fireworks thing anymore. Especially after we drove 45 minutes to watch some fireworks last night with friends to a little hicktown who's idea of a bottle rocket making the big finale was awesome.

Ugh....

buffalodickdy said...

The greater the risk, the greater the reward.... Life is too short to be a pussy! Just keep the little kids safe.