Wednesday, June 06, 2007

The Neighbor: Part One of a Two-Part Epic Saga

As luck would have it, I came totally unhinged last night. That, if you are fortunate enough to personally know me, isn't exactly a rare thing. The portion of my unhinging last night which makes it monumental of sorts is that it carried over nearly a full 24 hours.

To set up this story, I have realized that I am becoming slightly more paranoid than I used to be. This is out of character for me. I am normally extremely easy-going (aside form my light-hearted fits of rage over mundane situations) but maybe the weight of the world is slowly crushing my soul and is causing early-onset paranoia.

Back to the meat of the story. Many of my friends have at least heard me mention if not bitch a blue streak about my neighbor. The drama with this bachelor who lives directly behind us set in earlier this spring. His yard is a total eyesore and it sits a full four feet higher than mine with the help of a retaining wall. He has a lawn if you count a patch of dirt covered by weeds even a botanist couldn't identify. I fight a battle each year involving various forms of chemical warfare to keep his weeds the hell off of my rather well-kept lawn. I mow it regularly, I trim it, our yard is nicely landscaped (except for those damn bushes I keep forgetting to trim) and we are sane (for the most part).

Earlier this spring, crazy bachelor neighbor bluntly informed us while we were planting our garden that it was, in fact, half way on his lot. This was news to us and I stammeringly told him so as I stood in shock at the gruff and nearly inhuman way he spoke to me.

oh damn it all to hell. this is just too involved to do all in one post. come back to find out just why Crazy Bachelor Neighbor is crazy which explains his bachelorhood.


Hill said...

See, this is exactly why I live in the country. My neighbors are the deer and the fox. No humans allowed.

H said...

I just posted yesterday about a crazy neighbor -- not mine, but a crazy neighbor nonetheless.

I'm looking forward to part two!