Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The Catholic church wants to dictate driving too

It isn't enough for the Vatican, the almighty rulers of the Catholic church, to dictate the sexual, moral and thought-based lives of each and every Catholic around the world? Now they are now all up in our business when it comes to driving.

The Vatican's "Ten Commandments for Drivers" go as far as suggesting to occassionally make the sign of the cross and recite the rosary along your trip. To me, that seems a bit more distracting than scrolling through tunes on myiPod or talking on my cell phone or even combining the two tasks while driving through construction-narrowed lanes.

The document goes on to describe cars as potential vehicles of sin. Remember, they are often used by those of weak moral fiber to drive in after consuming alcohol which is viewed as a sin by the Catholic church. Cars are also often used as havens for prostitution. (Note to self: avoid hookers who run their business out of the back seat of a 1979 Ford Pinto) Ah, yes, the car hooker. One of the greatest threats to the livelihood of motel-based hookers everywhere. What horned-up dude wouldn't want to crawl over the sporty bucket seats of a goo-stained automobile, kicking away Big Mac cartons, to get his freak on with a lady of the evening in the parking lot of Kinko's behind the large, green, Waste Management dumpster?

Hey Vatican, no shit. We know that cars are "vehicles of sin" (insert spooky, ominous music here). So are TVs, computers, cell phones, home phones, blenders, microwaves, pizza delivery guys, self-propelled lawn mowers, Teletubbies, motorcycles, buses and the printing press. See, they are all items which enable sloth and sin... You can flip on the TV and watch "the gays" frolick about, computers pipe in opinions expressed by those who don't attend church on a regular basis, cell phones cause mass mayhem and death on our highways, home phones allow us to talk to others without being in a face-to-face conversation, blenders allow us to easily make intoxicating fruity drinks, microwaves allow us to create shoddy meals in mere seconds and so on and so forth...

Why don't we all live like the Amish? Would THAT make the Vatican happy?

4 comments:

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Is the PopeMobile considered a vehicle of sin?

Sornie said...

That would mean that a person in a position of power would be a hypocrite and we all know that is impossible. Besides, the PopeMobile is just the coolest vehicle since the Yugo.

Dorky Dad said...

I'm not catholic, but some drivers do make me want to grab a rosary and make the sign of the cross.

Diesel said...

You know, some of the guys and I were complaining about how the Pope is always telling us what to do, and we decided to start a little movement. We're calling it the Reformation. You could come to one of the meetings some time if you want. No pressure.