Thursday, April 05, 2007

Bloody sewers slow population growth

Sure, for someone with an untrained eye, two stories may seem entirely separate but sit the two stories next to each other and compare common factors such as location, possible causes and the girth of the topics and you instantly have glaring similarities and what I can only state as being an obvious cause/effect relationship.

Large slowing of the growth rate in the eleventeen county metro area seem different enough but now that the 3.5 people reading this know what the stories are that I withheld while you waited in anxious anticipation for all of one paragraph, you can already draw your own bizarre conclusion.

The growth has slowed because of the blood in the Minneapolis sewers. It isn't the myth of bone-chhilling cold (see, a double 'h' because I am shivering is only a coincidence) that has people shirking the Twin Cities area, it isn't overpriced homes or traffic gridlock or the region's meth problem... it's all that damned sewer blood.

When people think about moving into a neighborhood, they typically analyze home prices, resale value, school quality, traffic, crime and how the neighborhood smells. (Trust me, I work midway between a malting plant and a shingle factory, those smells are either tremendously grand or putridly appalling) But now people pondering the purchase of a home may ask their REALTOR to grab their manhole hook and take a gander into the great underworld of the sewer system.

"Nope, that sure is alot of blood down there, isn't it hon?"

"Well, there is significantly less blood here than west of Third Avenue. The blood levels in this neighborhood's sewers are far less than the threshhold set forth by the EPA."

"I dunno. What if all the goldfish people flush down the toilet mix with the blood and the twon is overrun by mutant zombie goldfish? That's not gonna make for a godo investment. Who would want to buy ahouse in a neighborhood overrun with killer mutant zombie goldfish who are addicted to meth?"

"Let's go look at that fabulous deck."

See, homeowners look for this stuff. All before they even for out the cash for a home inspection which would DEFINITELY turn up the oodles of blood coursing through the metro sewer system. So, as unrelated as those two stories seem to be, they are actually along the line of third cousins or half-brothers twice removed.

3 comments:

Hammer said...

All that blood spraying into that poor dude's face and mouth..frigging gross.

Put that on dirty jobs

Anonymous said...

Hey!! Was it you that was asking me about the government grants website? well anyway, here it is... Grants I'm headed back to Cali this weekend, gotta get warm! :)

melodyann said...

That's almost the most disgusting thing I've ever heard of. Good God, I would just have to die if something like that happened to me. I couldn't live with it....