Monday, February 12, 2007

Did Gabor's rent-a-prince hubby bed Anna Nicole?

I hate the trashy crap that passes as news these days but there is nobody to blame beyond the 24-hour news networks that will grab even the most assinine story and hype the hell out of it, churning it into a breaking event and shove it down the throats of anyone who will watch the events unfold. Having said that, I am just giddy about the latest developments in the Anna Nicole Smith death case which I could honestly care less about.

Of course, the death of former Playboy Playmate Anna Nicole Smith isn't the first and surely won't be the last celebrity news to infiltrate every form of media known to mankind. The terrible cycle really gained it foothold when OJ Simpson murdered his ex-wife and her friend. America sat glued to their TVs one Saturday night as Simpson's buddy chauffered the murderer down an LA area freeway at a pace that would have made Miss Daisy tell the driver to step on it.

The latest in the non-news is that Zsa Zsa Gabor's hubby supposedly bagged the weight-swinging drug addict and now claims that he is Smith's baby daddy. So what? Let him think that. The only reason it's barely plausible is that Smith has a thing for older men (remember her barely-breathing hubby?).

A more likely scenario and an even more disgusting one is that Anna Nicole's now-deceased son is the father. Yea, a twisted incestuous affair which Anna Nicole comforted her son in a disturbing fashion and he, um, "comforted" her as well. Once he figured out that his new sister was also his daughter, he offed himself and Smith, rather than own up to her dirty deeds, took the same path.

Hell, do we really want to know? The baby, regardless of who is or isn't the father, is entitled to whatever inheritance the screwball Smith family has. Drugs and incest be damned, that baby is gonna be rich just like her mommy and brother-dad and probably go on to ruin her life just as quickly.

So there you have it, the tabloids and 24-hour news channels (essentially one in the same) have a couple decades worth of fodder and a new famous only for being famous person to snap embarrassing photos of.


Christina_the_wench said...

I say we kidnap the kid, give her to some infertile couple who will take excellent care of her and raise her normal.

Sornie said...

If we did that, we would deprive the upstanding magazines such as Star and OK of the tantalizing covers they so deserve for the next two decades.