Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Think twice about relief in Burnsville

A new ordinance in the southern Twin Cities suburb could nail offenders with either 30 days in jail or $1,000 in fines for public urination.

To some, public urination is offensive and perceived as a nuisance -- to others it is seen as sweet relief. I will admit to uttering the phrase "the world is my toilet" but I grew up on a farm. Often times you are honestly miles from civilization and after fourteen hours driving a tractor, something has to give.

The suburbs, however, are a different story. I feel that this ordinance is the city's attempt to crack down on the drinkers in the suburb. The first offender was nabbed red handed between two cargo vans outside one of the cookie cutter suburb's sports bars.

I don't know that I have ever frequented the particular bar much less claim to know its location but I can assume it is on the County Road 42 (or on Highway 13) strip in one of the bland strip malls that sit vacant past sundown with the exception being the bar/restaurant patrons.

While these offenders should obviously plan ahead and drain things before last call, sometimes the pure shock of going from 70 degree indoor comfort to 40 degree Minnesota nights is enough to start things a-flowing. And women aren't exactly immune from this either. What's next, a squat team surrounding one as she seeks relief?

Burnsville, stop trying to turn a profit on the few who frequent these so-called nightspots in the sameness of suburbs devoid of any nightlife. Those who get nabbed are facing rather stiff fines if only for the fact that they are human and have functioning bladders.

I feel that a $100 fine is plenty to change the mind of someone who feels the need to piss in a planter of geraniums. While I wouldn't do that to begin with, I sure as hell wouldn't be doing it again after a $100 fine because no matter how bad you hafta go, $100 is still a nice chunk of change.

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