Thursday, October 12, 2006

Bush plans to invade Detroit, play more foosball

After yesterday's New York City airplane crash, some immediately jumped to the possibility of another terrorist attack. The truth, though, was that a single engine plane had hit an apartment building or a warehouse, or maybe it was a large pigeon.

The problem with news is that with a bunch of 24-hour news networks all grabbing for the same twelve unmarried 42-year-old viewers living in their mother's basement is that they report first and get the facts later.

That little technicality led to a hastened presidential press conference in, of all places, the White House game room.

Camera flashes popped at a nearly constant pace as Bush wrapped up a spirited foosball game against spokesperson Tony Snow. Bush answered questions while focusing more on the game at hand than the questions. With a rousing "Boo-yah bitch!", Bush pumped his fist in the air and made one last statement as the facts began to become more clear and factual.

When asked by a reporter what his actions regarding this plane crash, the president stated "We're gonna send troops into Detroit, Michigan" chortling like a third grader he continued by stating "If the Detroit Tigers hadn't beaten the New York Yankees, the plane wouldn't have crashed... the Yankees would still be playing and I would have won some cash. I always bet on the Yankees -- especially when they play the Texas Rangers."

When the president was further questioned on his planned invasion of the motor city, he responded "We're sending in our very own Washington Nationals. Sure they suck but, come on, these are the Tigers."

Bush wrapped up the press conference by stating "He, he; gotcha! We're actually planning a full military offensive against the Detroit area, fight 'em over there so we don't fight 'em here; on the peninschula."

As reporters pressed for a further explanation of the bizarre series of statements, the president threw up a hand and said "Talk to the hand; the hand that's gonna kick yer ass in foosball; who wants to play?!?"

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