Friday, July 14, 2006

Alert: hot weather ahead... please panic now

Judging by the weather reports for this weekend you would think that the sun was relocating and taking the place of the earth's moon.

It's common knowledge that, at least here in Minnesota, meteorologists love to whip people into a frenzy. Oh... my... GOD... triple digit temperatures. An 'Excessive Heat Advisory' has been issued for the weekend. That's a new one for me but it boils down to this... DON'T BE A DUMBASS.

Drink water if you're outside for extended periods of time, seek shade at times, don't wear a parka while you mow a hillside with a reel mower. Check on elderly neighbors who may not have the luxury of an air conditioned living space -- hell, it might be better to sit Edna and Moses under the comfort of a shade tree next to a box fan and give them a glass each of ice water.

In short, this isn't the first time Minnesota has experienced temperatures in the triple digits. I am positive that as I grew up on the farm we had hot summers too. Maybe people have simply devolved into bumbling idiots but I am sure we will hear cases of heat exhaustion because some dumbshit decided to shingle his roof and to rehydrate slammed down a six pack of Old Style. They are only helping to thin the herd and leaving more oxygen for guys like me who will be spending the weekend photographing area celebrations for work and enjoying cheese curds and root beer floats to boot.

2 comments:

betmo said...

you do have a way with words. :) it is hotter than hell here too. i have even taken to wearing a tank top around the house- not outside though- nobody needs that. if only we were lucky enough that the dumbass herd was culled- but alas- someone would rush them to the er and they would pull through after a heavy dosing of gatorade directly in the veins.

No said...

Brian, Do you photograph for City Pages?

I am positive that I've seen your name in print before...