Monday, March 13, 2006

Snow storm doesn't bring end to civilization

We are all aware that in the bulk of populated Minnesota that it snowed. It started late yesterday afternoon in my neck of the woods and was building up on the grass by sunset. Not the time that I saw the sun set because it was cloudy and I can only assume that when the clouds are as thick as a black stripper's booty the sun still does its usual thing and sets.

With snow comes plenty of stupid driving. I pride myself on not being one of those retarded drivers although today's snowfall was legitimately sizeable and rather tough to contend with. In short, I tried going to work at my usual time. This was about five minutes after our home's electricity had gone out. Apparently, we were not alone in that matter. Prior to the darkening of our home, I had been watching KARE 11's HD WeatherPlus channel and saw the lengthy list of school closing which included most of the suburban schools in the area I work in and contemplated just how bad conditions were outside of our valley home.

I tried driving. After four miles and 12 minutes I began to re-think my earlier decision. I saw people turning around in the middle of the highway, semis creeping at a pace that would make a snail laugh but not a snow plow in sight.

See, snow plows are like police, they are never around when you actually NEED one. This morning was one of those times. I was sure that the road I was travelling had been plowed. It may have been sometime in the 3 AM hour but I could tell it had experienced a snow plow travelling over its asphalt surface in the past day. It just didn't come at a recent enough time to be of help to me.

As I sat at the overpass, I flicked on my turn signal and proceeded to turn around. I looked ahead but wanted so see to both my left and right sides, too. Looking to my right wasn't a problem, the window was as clear as when I left my humble driveway. To the left, though, was an entirely different world. The snow, from the small crack which had stayed clear, blew towards me at a pace that would make the middle of Siberia look like Tahiti. I decided to put the window down (no, I didn't berate it and call it useless, lazy and fat) which you cna already guess let the hurricane-force winds pelt my face with snow that felt like someone throwing entire snowballs at my freshly-shaven face.

I scrapped the idea of looking to my left in a hurry. I cranked the wheel and slid around the median. From there I crept back home at the same rate of 3 minutes per mile.

My wife and darkened house greeted me. I promptly called work and left a message explaining my situation. Then we played Scrabble. I won with a score of 256 to my wife's 194. We wrapped up the game with my 10-point 'Q' lingering and she headed off to work. A mere twenty-five minutes later she had safely arrived and settled in for the remaining six hours of her workday.

Around 1 PM, as the temperature in the house had droppeed to 57 degrees, the electricity sprang back to life and all was normal with he world. I could clear the long driveway and still be able to regain feeling in my extremeties without having to sit in my idling car.

Shortly after 4 PM, life was returning to normal. I finished trimming out our new kitchen window which was hastily installed yesterday before the recent brush with the end of civilization as we know it, the garbage was disposed of and I could finally watch some TV.

I even snapped a picture. More on that at a later date...

Tomorrow I return to my regularly scheduled weekday routine.

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