Monday, December 19, 2005

What a wild year with K-Fed and TomKat

Yes. 2005 is nearly a wrap. It has been a whirlwind year for many, myself included. However, it wouldn't be a year in recent history if some jackass celebrities didn't do something stupid to make the tabloid headlines and occupy the news channels who seem to have forgotten about things such as a tsunami in the Indian Ocean area (see, it's been out of the news for so long I can't even remember where it happened) and a hurricane named Katrina which threatened to decimate New Orleans (and much of the Gulf Coast and our naion's economy) beyond all repair and recovery. (How are they doing, anyhow?)

But, in America, we care about celebrities.

The big names of 2005 were a couple with the names of Britney and Kevin and another, but just as creepy, couple with names of Tom and Katie.

See, they are so ingrained in our culture that the surnames are unnecessary. That is just the tip of a very large iceberg of what is wrong with America but I will save that for another day with much, much more free-time.

The big news wih that Britney and Kevin couple was that they were expecting a child together. Yes, a washed-up former mousekateer and one of her scruffy and filthy backup dancers went and made whoopee, thusly producing an offspring. The thought alone is nauseating enough but picture them together. Even walking down a street together is simply enough for m iron stomach to lose its composure. So, just for that, no picture of them.

Oops, I lied. How ya' feeling?

Alright, if that didn't make you do the old heave-ho, this next one surely will...

Yes, that's Tom Cruise, Mr. I-Don't-Condone-Medication-Because-I-Am-A-Scientologist with the formerly cute and adorable (not to mention normal) Katie Holmes. But, no, Cruise couldn't go off and be weird with someone who is already weird like Courtney Love or freaky Angelina Jolie, no.

He had to go and not just marry but knock up Holmes. He couldn't leave well enough alone, though. He debated Matt Lauer and brought the phrase 'glib' into the spotlight but also jumped up and down on Oprah Winfrey's couch (on her show, you pervs) while whoring himself out for 'The Tom Cruise Show'. Oh, no such movie? Oh, yeah. It was actually called 'War of the Worlds' but maybe I was jaded because Cruise became progressively weirder this year and his one-man-showonly further angered me.

Sure, there was more but do you really want to relive it?

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