Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Learning to drive

I have come to the rather quick conclusion that Minnesotans, at least those whom I encountered on my commute via dry and snowless/iceless roads this morning, are a bunch of fucking pansy-ass immigrants from California who arrived here late yesterday.

I have arrived at this conclusion due to the fact that the average speed encountered on my particular stretch of four-lane highway was 50 miles per hour. I can only imagine what it would have been had there been ice or snow on the road -- or any form of liquid moisture. The entire metro area would have ground to a screeching halt.

Screeching because there wasn't a damn thing to be seen on the roads except cars and the people behind the wheel oblivious to the fact that pressure applied to the gas pedal produces accelleration. Accelleration which can cause no harm on a dry roadway.

As you can see this is a problem that not just myself suffers from. There needs to be some sort of driving dangers refresher course offered by community colleges or insurance companies for just this occassion. Reminding overly-cautious drivers that a dry road need not be a source of spine-tingling, pants-wetting fear.

As for the person in the gold Toyota that I was stuck behind for five miles, you could have slowed down or sped up, changed lanes and let me and the fifty or so vehicles directly behind me sail by you. But, no, you had to stay the fucking course and, in the process, piss off the residents of four cities who were stuck behind you sputtering ass. I guess you were truly shitting yourself over the prospect of careening into the ditch and bursting into flames after hitting a patch of dry road. Oh, and by patch I mean twenty fucking miles...

1 comment:

Scooter said...

A couple years ago I went skiining in the UP and when I came back there was a storm that pretty much erased the back roads. Cutting pretty much completely across Wisconsin on roads so slick that deviating the wheel could cause a slide, I saw ONE Wisconsinite in the ditch and four other cars pulled over helping him out. As soon as I hit the Minnesota border, literally just inside it, half a dozen cars in the ditch, suvs slipping and sliding, snarls of traffic with Minnesotans driving at 5 miles an hour and just a generally f-ed up mess. It was almost surreal.