Friday, November 25, 2005

From Daisy Dukes to divorce papers

It is a sad state of affairs when two Hollywood stars are unable to make a highly televised marriage work.

What does it mean for the rest of us now that Jessica Simpson and hubby (and former pre-fab boy band member of the short-lived '98 Degrees') Nich Lachey have split?

It means, thankfully, no more God-awful MTV reality shows or ABC specials starring the dim-witted Simpson and coattail-riding Lachey. Maybe they can take scratchy-voiced sister Ashlee Simpson and all three retreat into obscurity, never to be seen on television again.

Will that actually happen? Probably not.

Why won't they simply vanish? Because all bit-role wanna-be stars eventually land on yet another string of reality shows on VH-1. Ah, yes. The bastard step-child of MTV. VH-1 used to have its own identity but is now a dumping ground for crap not even MTV would air.

This is where Simpson and Lachey may very well end up on another reality show entitled 'Divorced: Nick & Jessica'.

You can already imagine the endless squabbles the two would be involved in. Jessica, standing out at her dumbest, questioning who gets to take the water from their home's faucets "because it's part of the house."

Imagine a cameo by her breast-obsessed dad, Joe. Giving Jessica's large ta-tas a nice, firm squeeze and proudly stating "These will get her a few more men and even more shows on MTV, er, uh, VH-1. God, she has huge breasts" as he looks, albeit pervertedly, at the camera.

Why couldn't they have just slipped into obscurity quietly like the members of N-SYNC?

3 comments:

SlimAdam said...

you know i have an unhealthy obsession with the newlyweds tv show. this was actually a celebrity couple i liked. and vh1 has some funny ass reality shit- whether it's intentional or not is still to be determined.

Smartie said...

'Divorced: Nick & Jessica'

Brilliant! I think you might have everything it takes for a successful career as a tv executive.

Brian said...

If a catchy name is all it takes, I can program an entire network (or two) of crap that's better than, E!, VH1, MTV, MTV2, etc.