Thursday, April 28, 2005

Keepin' our kids ghetto fabulous

Gangsta' life is bangin', yo!

Without toys like these, our young school-age children might have a chance to not turn out to be a bunch of hood rats. When I was a kid we had Legos, Lincoln Logs and He-Man action figures. Now the kids have a bunch of ghetto hoochies and are sing catchy lyrics such as 'I'm Lovin' It.'

I froze. The Bratz are now Baby Mommaz. Yes, the hooker-in-training dolls have children. Bratz are the main reason I do not keep a supply of bricks around the house, because everytime the commercials come on I wish to pitch something kiln-fired through the screen so hard it beans the toy exec who greenlighted these hootchie toys. The Baby Bratz are as bad as you can imagine: “Bottles with Bling.” Judas on a stick, why not just refit the Bratz so they have Real Oozing Gonorreal Flow Action?

“They know how to flaunt it, and they’re keeping it real in the crib.”

What exactly is the penalty for failing to keep it real in the crib? Someone busts a cap in yo Pamper? I know I am old and so out of step it’s a wonder I don’t just appear as an indistinct smear, but was it really necessary to push the Age of Sultry Hussyism down to the infant stage? And who, exactly, are the Babyz flaunting it for? Are we going to see a commercial with Elmo in sunglasses, sitting with his legs sprawled, spanking some pliant Babyz with one hand while gumming down some mashed crack?

Reminds me of something I saw in the Fun Store I wrote about last week: Homies Dogs. Anti-social gangster dogs.

1 comment:

Tinker said...

nice post! very funny! i see those bratz and am glad that dirty fila is just a little too old for them. i have to deal with those mtv and bet videos instead!