Monday, April 25, 2005

It came from Hell

To account for the lack of chuckle-inducing or thought-provoking entries as of late, I have an explanation.

I have been sick. No, nothing too serious.

It's a cold.

The cold from hell to be more specific.

The Cold from Hell came on late last Tuesday. My throat became annoyingly scratchy. I wrote it off as a byproduct of my more-boisterous than usual singing on my trek to and from work both Monday and Tuesday.

I then awoke Wednesday with the type of throat which feels like a below average construction worker raked a series of belt sanders across my throat. Wednesday, I did the unheard of. I called in sick to work. I am so unprepared that I had to rack my brain to remember the main number of the office. I have no record at home of my boss' direct line. That is unprepared.

Thursday, being the trooper that I try to be, I returned to work. Told the office of my chest cavity being full of cement and my lungs full of tiny Ziploc bags full of needles.

I functioned amazingly well. I even did a quick grocery run on my way to our quaint castle in the sticks.

Friday was another story. I felt worse and was beginning the second stage of The Cold From Hell. The stuffy, snot-filled nose. That basically consumed my Friday. I did muster up the gumption to eat at an actual restaurant that night but looking back, I should have stayed at home securely holding the couch.

Saturday was spent blowing my nose repeatedly. After a good amount of actual sleep I felt remotely human but still ventured nowhere.

Sunday was the day to celebrate my birthday a day late with a meal out. We ate and then did a day of shopping. Much-needed shopping. This marathon day which was wrapped up by some of the wife's friends coming over to barbecue would be known as the straw that broke the camel's back.

Me being the camel.

By the end of the night I was hacking incessantly but was expelling very little snot through my nose.

Sunday night was restless in bed. I slept very little. About 4-5 hours all told. NyQuil didn't have the effect of placing me in a solid, drug-induced coma.

Which leads us to today. I hacked to the point where i nearly vomited as I prepared for work. At that point, the wife told me to call in sick to work. I felt guilty doing so but knew it was something that had to be done.

Tomorrow, I will return to work and spread my germs like a lawn-care professional spreads fertilizer on a parched lawn.

Dammit, someone gave me The Cold From Hell and my mom always taught me to share. Share I will

No comments: