Friday, November 26, 2004

Insane mobs hit stores

Yea, it's a tradition, of sorts. Every year, for the past three to five hundred years, on the day after Thanksgiving shoppers in search of holiday gift-giving bargains hit the stores. They often, hit, scratch, kick, burn, maul and trample other like-minded shoppers for the chance to purchase a $29 Fungshuong DVD player at the local Wal-Mart. The ritual involves mainly females of the species. Some see it as a sort of bonding experience. My wife arose at 5 AM. Yea, it was still dark. She got ready and left, with her twin sister, about an hour or so later.

I have often wondered what possesses some to arrive at a stor at such an ungodly early hour. Is it the thrill of the hunt? Is it because she has the day off and I am stuck holding down the fort at work? (There's not actually a fort, but building one out of empty boxes and office chairs HAS crossed my mind.) Or is it the fact that women are true bargain hunters and this justifies them driving from store to store in the freezing rain on a cold Friday in November to save $5 on a shrink wrapped package of towels that have less absorbent power than a piece of sand paper?

Whatever their motivation is, they are sure to drive up sales totals at the stores they visit. It is seen by retailers as a gauge of the entire year. The month between Thanksgiving and Christmas can make or break a retailer's entire year. This year I almost, deep down inside my dark and cold heart, hope that sales are dismal at best. A bad month of holiday sales would keep interest rates low so we can still afford a house. It would also bring an evil smile to my face to see the Bush-led economy grind to a total halt. The brakes are clenching down, you worthless piece of shit. May your promise of an improving economy fail. Fail MISERABLY. HAHAHA.

Have a happy weekend!

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