Friday, September 10, 2004

and reminiscing... Part 3

This is the third part of the details of what may or may not seem like a depressing time in my life which happened during the winter of 2000-2001. I'll pick up on the faithful Friday night (around 8:30 PM) of the company Christmas party. Keep up by reading the first part of the story and follow it on into the second portion.

As I hung up the phone, I slowly walked back into the living room. It seemed beyond devastating. I had been stood up for something which I had actually looked forward to by a woman I had known for over two years. It was depressing. I had no words to describe it. I went back to what I do best. I un-muted the TV and laid on the couch with the lights off in the rest of may apartment. The only thing now keeping me company was the glow from the TV and my conscious which was telling me to call a friend and get off the couch. Rather than put up with listening to my conscious, I turned up the TV and kicked on the surround sound to drown out my then-obnoxious conscious. That voice was now gone, too.

I sulked.

I sat in the dark with the TV as my only companion that evening.

Keep in mind that beginning immediately after work that particular Friday, I had hopes. I had something to look forward to. I had obligated myself to attend this company Christmas party for the first time since starting at this particular job. I had somebody let me down on their obligation which, in turn, made me let down my obligation to this party. Co-workers were looking forward to seeing me outside of work as many had already determined that I was a definite character in the office and could only wonder what I was like outside the confines of the office.

In the course of three hours my mood went from joy and happiness to anger, self-pity and sadness. I had never been stood up before. I had been accustomed to people being late to meet me sometimes but this was different. We agreed on something and she failed to hold up her end of our deal.

It was now in the 9 o'clock hour of a Friday night. A Friday night I would be spending alone. This was a rare occurance for me. Each night when I did not have to work the next day was spent with friends. It was the right time to be with friends. Things were not headed in that direction that particular night.

I continued to lie motionless on the couch, oblivious to the fact that I was now watching THE NEWS. I never watched the news. I still made no effort to change the channel. This would do for tonight. I came to accept the fact that I would probably lie on this couch until either the sun came up on Saturday or I would simply fall asleep here after hours of being motionless.

The time crept by. Half a day later it dawned on me that it was now 10 PM. The news got boring and I flipped the channel. I do not remember to what, exactly. Maybe it was a marathon of "Undressed" on MTV. I do remember that at 10:35, I had the sense to turn the channel to a rerun of "Seinfeld" I had seen this episode, like all the others, numerous times. I still laid on the couch with my eyes glazed over watching it intently.

Suddenly I heard a banging at the door as I must have locked to keep the world at bay for the evening. I desired no outside contact but went to answer the door nonetheless. I wondered to myself who it might be. I knew, however, who it wasn't.

For the fourth part of this rambling recollection of the coldest (in more ways than the weather) winter I can remember, check back as I post one portion of this true story each day until it is finished. I remember saying that there could possibly be four parts in my last post, but it appears now that there will definitely be at least five, so enjoy as I reveal my past.

No comments: