Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Don't try this at home

Just minutes ago, I received a call from a friend who has the time and/or effort which affords him the ability to visit our hometown more often than myself. He, in enough detail, described the previous night's events.

As of late, Tuesdays in Austin (at least for my circle of friends) has translated to softball night. A night which was previously observed on Wednesdays but due to employment changes by the resident softball player, has been changed.

Having never attended a Tuesday night, but plenty of Wednesday night, softball night I can assume they still translate in meeting up at the local softball complex or even a friend's house to then travel to the park. What would accompany us on the trip is a large cooler, maybe two coolers, filled with equal parts beer and ice. OK, more beer than ice.

During the typically hour long game, an unspecified amount of said beer is consumed by the spectators as we watch our friend attempt to play softball. We yell encouragement and insults at the player as we catch up with friends at the game who we may or may not see on a regular basis.

After the team typically loses, we return to the stands to watch the rest of the games. There tends to be three games each starting an hour apart and wrapping up before 10 PM which leaves entirely too much time for drinking. At that time, though, our crowd is just hitting our stride.

Last night, it sounds like they were well into their stride before that time. I can only assume they left the park totally inebriated between 9:30 and 10:00 PM. After offering up my buddy for sex from some of the local ladies - no takers though - they decided to call it a night. From there they drove to Softball Player's house for what I can only assume the only purpose was to play video games and drink more beer.

After enough time there, my local buddy having only had a couple drinks, left. As he left, so did what will now be known as electronics guy. Electronics Guy lives at the opposite end of the block as softball player so he walked home. He apparently had a head start and ended up being ahead of my local buddy.

Noticing that he was ahead of my local buddy, he took that as an opportunity to moon the driver. As my local buddy stopped to hurl insults at the pantsless drunk, the drunk pulled up his pants and decided to sit on the hood of the car. My buddy decided that this was an opportunity to give him a ride back to his house, only a block away, down the street which is under construction.

As he turned into the driveway of Electronics Guy's, he noticed the hood-bound passenger begin to slide from the inertia of the wide turn. Attempting to correct this, the driver then swerved in a more violent turn to get the car under the passenger. No luck. As they entered the driveway, Electronics Guy fell from the hood and onto the sidewalk landing on his belly. The driver from this adventure sat scared in his car for a brief time then got out to check on our drunk friend. The sidewalk-bound drunk began to laugh. His hands were pretty scratched up from catching himself as he fell but he is alright.

All in all it seems like a Jackass-esque stunt but it's all in a night of softball.

P.S.: Ladies, if you are looking for an available guy in his early twenties who is a bit down in relationship luck who wants to get back into the dating scene, drop me a message here and I'll relay his details. Come on Twin Cities ladies, he's got a job at least.

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