Thursday, April 29, 2004

The newest problem in America

Is it war? Is it the economy? If you said yes to either of these questions, you are grossly misinformed. It is a problem that is literally running over what it is contained within. I assume by now that you are quite confused so I will let this genius love & sex advice columnist explain the GLH problem for you.

Please tell women that low-rise jeans only look good on a handful of people. Whenever I go out, all I see is "girl love handles" (GLH) hanging over low-rise jeans. FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY, DAN! Someone needs to tell women who are overweight, tubby, fat, or just not properly proportioned to STOP wearing jeans that show off or create rolls! Just today I saw a girl who would have been attractive had it not been for her damn low-rise jeans. GLH is never sexy, ladies! It's revolting. No one wants to see fat rolls hanging over the tops of jeans or bulging out from under belly shirts! Seriously, women, there really are only a select few of you who look good in these jeans. If you don't have the body for it (and if you have to think about it--even for an instant--you don't!), DO NOT WEAR LOW-RISE JEANS!

Butter with Your Rolls

I'm opening this week's rather random, slightly scattered column (damn medical marijuana!) with your letter, BWYR, because I happen to agree with you 100 percent. Just between you and me and everyone else, I simply can't believe we're headed for a third summer of low-rise jeans, high-rise shirts, and overflowing GLH. Low-rise is not a fashion statement we Americans should be making just now, what with our skyrocketing rates of obesity. If North Americans want to flounce around in belly-and-backside-exposing pants--and apparently we do--we should get the obesity epidemic under control first.


Hey, if the company which contributed to America's GLH epidemic can try to aid in reducing the problem. We can all do our part and put an end to a problem which has the potential to DESTROY US ALL! Come on America, let's put an end to GLH... before it puts an end to us.

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