Monday, April 19, 2004

Like a vulture to roadkill...

Yesterday began early. As I rolled out of bed it was decided that we should start car shopping for the lady. She had a revalation sometime during the day Saturday that buying a truck was not the best idea anymore since gas prices are climbing faster than that mountain climber guy on The Price is Right. Revelation agreed upon. It was after we ate Saturday evening in a typical suburb that we shopped the few typical freeway-facing single brand dealerships for nothing in particular as long as it caught her eye. I would suggest a few that I thought she would like and we took things from there. This whole thing promptly came to an end when I realized that I truly do not know crap about where I live. Ok, maybe a little... I do, after all, take THE SAME ROAD TO WORK EVERY DAMN DAY.

As we ventured out on Sunday, we had a vague idea at best of where we should go. I asked and received the "I dunno" reply. I am used to this but still always expect a different answer than "I dunno". The shoulder shrug is the second most popular answer. I feel that something like this is deserving of more that one of those two answers. This isn't a decision like "What's for dinner?" or "Coke or Dr Pepper?" This, in the end, is a decision that you will pay for over a number of years and will develop a daily relationship with. Of course it can be traded but who wants to deal with car shopping again?

We dropped my car off for some quick repair work and grabbed a bite to eat and were soon on our way... somewhere. We headed down the highway for a couple miles. As we drove, I pointed out the recent destruction of 300 acres which construction companies had stripped and reshaped for some "mixed-use development" which in lay terms means "we're gonn turn this grassy chunk of land into something flat and unnatural and while in the process, winds will whip the sandy soil across he highway and what little rain we get will erode the soil and wash it into storm sewers". In the end the once open land will be home to a bunch of unsightly business parks, townhomes and a strip mall or five which I would LOVE vomiting on.

As we passed through this unneeded destruction and exited the highway, the search began. First, a Dodge dealer. Ignoring the Ford dealer, we ventured further into town and scoped out the selection at the GM dealer. After leaving there it was on to some used dealers and another new dealership. From there we headed into sprawlville and discovered an upscale used dealership where some caught her eye. From there we drove. We went through small town, sprawling small towns trying to be cities and farmland. Farmland which needs rain but that's another day's story. We went further west than I have ever been. I saw a sign saying 49 miles to Minneapolis. Being this far west of the sprawl made me long for my days where I grew up. We were so far away from the cities that I saw some stores I hadn't seen for anumber of years. A Casey's General Store, the nearly vanished discount store Pamida and Coborns which is the bastard cousin of my hometown Cash Wise Foods.

After the lady conveyed to me that she was tired, we ventured back towards the cities. Back on the exact same route that had taken us this far. I had wanted to do more exploring but my car needed to be picked up as well, so it was necessary. After arriving at the home base, I decided now that my car had new brakes, I would try to remove the caked on layers of brake dust from the winter months. I scrubbed and washed. I drove to the auto parts store to buy a new cleaner. They were closed so I drove to the hardware store for a better brush to scrub with. I sweated in the near 90 degree heat outside. I covered my eyes as the 40 mile an hour winds blasted me with sand. I wondered when the storms would come.

All this time the lady browsed cars inside. I came inside and she looked miserable. "I'm hot." "Well, I know that." "No, it's hot in here," she said. I started to pen more windows to get a breeze. I accomplished that but, really, how cooling can a 90 degree breeze actually be? I knew she wanted the A/C. I grumpily pulled off the cover and mumbled words which don't yet exist. I barked back, "I can't do this all myself," as I struggled to put the cover back on while containing the massive cord in a tidy little compartment. I turned it on and closed the windows and watched as I knew my electrical bill was rising as fast as the mountain climber guy on the Price is Right.

After a quickly decided trip to Target and a quick stop off at the two local car dealers, it was back to a bit more scrubbing and finally some relaxing - if you can call it that. More online car browsing was done as the clouds began to thicken as sever weather warnings crept across the screen for counties north and west of here. By 6:30, supper was ready and I was looking to watch some TV. I t was still getting windier and cloudier. Still 90 and humid, too.

The A/C kept up its work and we ate. I must say that I make some MEAN BBQ pork ribs. Damn tasty. I sat down to eat and flip through channels and noticed a pattern. ALL the major networks had severe weather coverage. I held out hope that at 7, FOX would dump it and show The Simpsons. They didn't. The weather kept on being weather and, of course, the weather people kept repeating THE SAME INFORMATION. Nothing new, the storms moved slowly and it rained. It didn't really warrant 90 minutes of live coverage.

Eventually the electricity went out where I live and I lit some candles so I could see the vast nothingness before me. I eventually fell asleep only to be awakened at 10 PM when the electricity came back on and my dishwasher, TV and everything else came on, too.

Today was the average Monday and I arrived home after a visit to a branch of the license bureau to renew my license. This, of course, meant a line that moved more slowly than that yodeling mountain climber on The Price is Right. I eventually arrived home knowing that on nearly every payday, the girlfriend pays me a visit. She cashes here check and stops by for supper. She hadn't called to be buzzed in so I thought she must have worked a long day and would cash the check tomorrow. I stuck my kep in the lock and noticed it was already unlocked. I cautiously entered and found her to already be here. She was browing, again, for cars.

After eating, I suggested that we go look more. We headed into the cities and drove. We drove alot. It got darker and we were completing the circle back towards my place when I spotted a Dodge dealer and pulled in. We didn't even get out of the car when a salesman approached and tapped on my window, asking what exactly we had in mind. We spilled the beans and he told us to look on the other side of the row. In the few seconds it took to drive there, i decided that these were the type of sales men who would first eat the flesh from your bones the boil the bones to make soup. Sick fuckers. She accepted his business card and I said, after leaving, that sure... we'll come back next time we want a close encounter with a flesh eating vulturous car salesman. Bastards.

If less is truly more, then you can expect MORE tomorrow.

Stay tuned.

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